From Father to Child

From Father to Child by Joe Kita (Men's Health)

In researching my book Wisdom of Our Fathers, I interviewed 138 men of all ages and from all walks of life. We talked about career satisfaction... the secrets of making love last... how to find happiness. But few of the men were having the same conversations with their children.

It's never too late. Seven essential life lessons that every dad should share, no matter how old his children are...

Be curious. Kids are innately curious -- but in our rush to get wherever we're going, we fathers are always urging them to move along. Nothing will better unite you with your children -- and better prepare them for life -- than sharing mutual wonder and the urge to explore.

Example: Maybe there is an interesting insect or a beautiful flower in your backyard. Get down on your knees and examine it closely... look it up on the Internet. Try to figure out how any type of machine works -- toaster, lawn mower, car, etc.

Be generous. Not just with money -- but with time... possessions... and love. The spirit of generosity will teach your children empathy, helping them feel concern for those around them.

Admit when you're wrong. If you don't act as though you're perfect, your children will know that they don't have to be perfect either.

Be willing to fail. The kite crashes... a repair doesn't work... the puzzle pieces won't fit together. So what? You've shown your kids that it's important to try new things, regardless of how they turn out.

Trap: Some fathers try to appear perfect. Their children will always feel pressured to live up to unrealistic ideals.

Be spontaneous. My dad planned everything to the last detail. While it is fine to be organized, it also creates pressure to do things in certain ways. This takes some joy out of life.


Teach your kids that it's okay to abandon plans when something else comes along... to turn left even though they had planned to turn right.

Instant adventures: See what activity looks interesting in the newspaper and do it... hop on a bicycle or get in the car and see where the road takes you -- maybe make nothing but right turns... get on a bus and get off at an unfamiliar stop to explore.

Embrace spirituality. We all find spirituality in different ways -- by going to church or synagogue... meditating... appreciating the glories of nature. Encourage your children to cultivate their sense of awe and wonder -- not once a week, but all the time. Spirituality is like a muscle -- you have to use it frequently to make it stronger.

Respect your body. Nothing is more important than good health. Lead by example -- this is not a lesson you can teach by talking.

Let your kids see you exercising (encourage them to join in)... eating a healthful diet... and generally living a clean life.


Bottom Line interviewed Joe Kita, executive writer at Men's Health and Pennsylvania-based author of several books, including Wisdom of Our Fathers, and Another Shot: How I Relived My Life in Less Than a Year (Rodale).


Being a Father is as big a gift as the good Lord can give. It is a reflection of his own life and love for us. Yes, being a good Father is something to work at, be we are not on our own. We have the example and grace of our heavenly Father.